Stress is a killer. This semester I decided to finally finish my undergraduate degree after a 7 year break. Honestly, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to pull it off and some days I still have my doubts. I'm not really doing bad at all and in fact, I'm doing great for being out of school for so long. I have my plan all mapped out and I will be done in May of 2011, the same time Chris will be done with law school. Although I constantly have headaches and am very sleep deprived, it is amazing how much I can amaze myself some days. Don't get me wrong, I've bombed some tests and felt less than perfect most days but when I actually do well in things I doubted I could do, like learn a foreign language for example, I have this overwhelming sense of awesome-ness. ; ) That feeling carries over to every aspect of my life if only for brief moments. It allows me to continue to believe in myself even though I lack confidence in certain areas of my life and it assures me that I am decently intelligent and worth more than I give myself credit. Thank GOODNESS!
Finishing school is something that is more important than I even realized. It's not important for everyone but it continued to be this burden of failure hanging over my head. Sorry to get dramatic but it was unfinished business that was always there. When I finish I will have a degree and honestly, I will be a little more valuable to the working world... but not really. Some how though I will feel more complete and more accomplished because it was something I thought I wouldn't do and in a sense, couldn't do. I'm going to walk at my graduation as a 30 year old woman and I'll be smiling and crying the entire time most likely. It's coming SO quickly and I can't wait! It's so nice to be at an age that I feel like I can do anything I want to do. How odd that would be the case when it seems teenagers and 20-somethings are "suppose" to feel that way?! I have a lot less distractions than I did the first time on the "merry-go-round" and because of that I'm a LOT more focused. Thank GOODNESS!
My goals don't just stop at school though. This year I am participating for the 3rd year in a row in the Susan G. Komen 3-day for the Cure. It's 60 miles of sweat, joy, pain, comradeship, smiles and tears and I've set a new goal for this year. I want to walk in Dallas and Atlanta which means 120 miles walked two weeks apart and double the money going to the cause! Dallas has been my city to walk in so when I signed up this year of course that was the place I planned to be. A few days later I was asked to join a team that is walking in Atlanta and then my mind began to imagine new possibilities. I have heard of women that walk in several of these walks and I thought that one day I may actually have time and money to participate in more than one. I was thinking after Chris and I finished school, had jobs but after losing Aunt Glenda in February and the situation presenting itself as it did, I decided to change the plan. My promise to myself is to work harder than ever to get my body ready for this journey. I've always trained but I'm hoping to possibly camp at one of the events this year AND to finish ALL 120 miles those two weekends. I will be in school so I will miss days and have to catch up on work but this event, this challenge, this promise I made to my aunt is so important in evolving into the person I want to be before I depart from this planet. "I have an irrepressible desire to be assured the world is a better place for my having lived in it." Just as Abraham Lincoln, I want my life to be one that has influenced others and continues to grow and change and exceeds limits that I never knew existed in my little world. There are so many causes to fight for and I've found mine. Maybe I'll find more battles to fight, I'm sure of it, but this is mine for now.
I will train harder this year than ever. I will walk all 120 miles after raising $4,600 for the CURE. I will be better and stronger than ever. And in doing this I will also be mindful of my school work and the goals I have set in that area of my life. I know I can do this and I am SO excited to keep plunging ahead!
Every year I am blessed with, I learn new things, experience new adventures. I cry a lot, laugh a lot, and I'm surrounded by people that love me. I can't ask for much more than that and I love the idea of giving back and letting people in my life know how much I care and how much I want the best for each and every one of them. Life is always full of tragedies, heartaches but it's what we do with those things that determines how the rest of our lives will play out. I've thought many times of quitting and walking away from things when life gets tough but I know I have to keep going and I have to find things that help me continue going and give me purpose. Here's to a great year! Here's to being the best me ever! Here's to a promise kept!