The Easter weekend was absolutely fabulous. I was able to see my parents, my sister's family, my in-laws and a few friends that I miss terribly. It was good to be 'home'. I lived in Hattiesburg for ten years before moving to Oxford and I suppose because it was the first town I lived in away from my parents it's a place I made my home. I miss it terribly along with my friends and family. I know this set up is temporary and next May, May of 2011 Chris and I will both have something to show for our efforts but the journey gets tough sometimes.
So, in saying that, our lives are busy! I never thought not working and going to school would keep me this busy but I always have something to do. When I was in school the first go-round to get my Bachelor's degree I was, how do you say, less than focused. My social life came first, work second, and school was near the bottom. I was in school then because I was "suppose to be" and now I'm in school because I realize what a gift it is. All that to say, no matter what was going on in my life I found something fun and active to do. These days I am constantly tired because of the lack of sleep I'm getting and I find myself putting off doing anything active. My main goal is to get a set time to go again and go at that time every day. Going to aerobic classes would be nice but I might have a heart attack the first day! I guess what makes all this speculation worthwhile is because I know I can start living better because I've done it before. I know that it's hard at first and gradually gets better but stays challenging. Cake is cake and I like cake, ya know?! Of course, that's not to say I don't have some self-control or any endurance. I know I'm strong when I want to be and I know I'm weak when I let my guard down. Of course, all of these things are just part of being human and fighting every day to live better and take what I've learned and put it to use.
The silliest of the silly is that I have two gyms. Let me explain. Last year when I was training for the Susan G. Komen walk I started going to a local gym to have a weight training program and get involved in some of the classes. After December I haven't stepped one toe in the door and I acquired another gym when I enrolled in school this semester. Between the two there are so many things I can do that might actually be fun and I have yet to do them. My plan tonight, once I leave the ceramics lab, is to head to the gym for at least an hour. I have a project due tomorrow so that has to come first but I promised myself I would work out at LEAST an hour to get this ball rolling again.
It's insanity that I've gotten this ... cut-off. Being married is a factor, because for whatever reason it's acceptable to get comfortable and do nothing about your unhealthy, expanding waste-line or your diminishing health until, well until you get tired of feeling like poop or you just have to. I was once a person that was proud to meet anyone Chris knew, especially his friends and now I have semi-panic attacks about how they will perceive 'his fat wife'. How annoying to have those thoughts! And how annoying that it has gotten to a point I even have to worry about that and about what friends I haven't seen in a while will think of me! (If they're good friends, they'll just want to see me, I know). I guess the whole thing boils down to not wanting to be THAT person... you know, the person that gets the reaction of "GOOD LORD!" and NOT in a good way.
This time of year makes me want to be outside so I've realized that the gym is everywhere and anywhere I want it to be. In saying that I suppose I have three gyms?! The past two years I have trained for my walks at a park here in the Oxford area and I love it. It's so nice there and it's a great place to see lots of cute puppy dogs. Everyone tends to bring their animals with them and it's great because most dogs head straight for the pond to cool off. They seem to be having a blast! I admire that feeling.
So today...gym, here I come. My goal this week is going to be to exercise at least one hour every day. I have classes in the morning and afternoon so I'm thinking I can sneak my workouts in between those times on campus. Even before the workouts come into play as a goal, I HAVE to get my sleeping under control. I need 9 hours to get through a day without feeling less than myself and I average anywhere from 3 to 6 hours. Isn't that horrible? It is proven that people that don't get enough sleep eat more because they try to eat or drink to stay awake. Makes sense.
Okay, so I should get started. One last thought: There are people out there that think it's just as simple as "not being lazy" or "pushing away from the table" but there are so many reasons to eat and so many reasons not to work out when life is going on. My hope is that on some level those people can understand one day and if they don't... I've still got my own understanding and well, that's enough.