Sunday, May 30, 2010

30 years of life and counting...


My 30th birthday is approaching quickly, like four days quickly and I'm not really sure how I feel about that number. It's so strange how birthdays go from being the most exciting thing ever consisting of cake, ice cream, balloons, party hats, friends, family to an event in which the result of the day has me torn with emotion. I mean don't get me wrong, there will still be cake, ice cream, balloons, party hats, friends and family, but all the shocking feelings of what a milestone this really is will precede and follow. Maybe I just feel like it's a milestone because I remember my parents turning 30. At my age they had two kids and life was full speed ahead for them. Needless to say, I took a very different path which in some ways I think is a good thing.

So, I will start with the pros of my soon to be 30 status and go from there. First and foremost, this is the first time in my life when I have felt like I'm really living and I'm proud of the things I'm doing. I still have things to work on but more on that in the cons list. I have a wonderful family that loves me more than anything and I couldn't survive without them. My circle of friends, old and new, make my world livable and I am grateful for them every single day. I recently went back to school and after being a college drop-out seven years ago and viewing life from the real world, I am overly grateful for this time in my life when I get to go back to college as an older and wiser adult. I actually appreciate the education that I am getting and I know that I can do anything I want to do with my life and it's not just a cliche. Despite my husband and I both being students we never go hungry or go without a roof over our heads. In other words, somehow the bills are getting paid ever month. I have my health and I have learned to use it to benefit others by participating in the Susan G. Komen walks. I don't know if I would have been as dedicated in my early 20's. This is a time in my life that although I'm married I don't limit myself to being an 'old married person' especially since we don't have kids right now. We like to travel and just pick up and go whenever we want, of course, I've always been like that I suppose; ) Just because I'm older I don't feel I HAVE to have children anytime soon. I know the clock will stop ticking on that at some point but I'm smart enough to realize that waiting until I'm ready is best.

And I suppose here I must start the cons...I'm no longer in my 20's after Thursday and that carries with it the thoughts of being less attractive and working even harder to maintain well, everything about my body physically and emotionally. Every year more wrinkles will show up, MORE grey hair will appear,yes,I already have some, and my body will give me more and more problems simply due to getting older. No, this won't be happening immediately but it's going to happen and turning the BIG 3-0 makes me ponder all these things. The older I get there are more and more people I care about that are becoming sick with health problems that can't be fixed and there are more people I am losing due to that fact. If I'm getting older then they're getting older too and that's hard to take in.

At this moment I honestly believe I have more pros than cons and the number 30 in itself isn't the scary thing. The scary thing is life. Life is happening every day and it carries with it as much happiness as tragedy. Looking very closely over the past 29 years 361 days I have to say I have loved every minute, every second of my life no matter how easy or how tough. I can say that with confidence because I really wouldn't be the person I am without all those moments and memories and people that have shaped my life and molded it into what it is. I am so thankful for the days, months and years I've had and I can't wait for the next 30 to start. I am so grateful for this life and when the time comes to blow those candles out, I will do it with the same smile that I've had the past 29 and I will celebrate the joy of being able to live another year...and eat cake, of course!